Monday, 4 January 2016

Isis spreads terror with a "bow"

These pictures are from a trailer of an online videogame called Smite. I don't really care about games in which you just fight against other nerds with candy graphic characters in a low polygon environment. Complete waste of time, as well as boring game design.

The trailer showed this obviously (clichéd) Egyptian goddess, who cannot be anyone else than Isis, since Isis is the only human faced Egyptian goddess the general public knows about (how about Maat anyone?)

Like all this game's female characters, our friend Isis here is dressed in a very revealing attire, which in this case is blatantly copied from Anaksunamun's similarly skimpy and also golden outfit from the film Mummy (1999) (the yellow lipstick is also same). They thought I didn't remember, didn't they? Anyway, the dress has to be either glued on her fake breasts, or then it's just bodypaint, which seems quite likely here. Animation of this trailer is especially bad, since it has no feel of gravity or realism in any sense of the word. The characters are just massless CGI-lumps flying everywhere at the same time. How about motion capture the next time guys?

But now to the mistakes, regarding the thing they call archery in this video:
  1. This "bow" has three strings. THREE (3) STRINGS!!! What in the actual afterlife is this? Bows have one bowstring for a reason. And we will come to that later. Three strings in this "bow" makes this one of the (if not THE) worst depiction of a bow in the history of the Universe.
  2. What are these three spikes in each end of the bow? They severely disturb the bowstring(s). They can even brake it/them (if it/they would not be made out of "magical glowing substance").
  3. Reverse grip in the string hand. Later she uses this hand the other side up, so this is just a mistake.
  4. What is this Kheperi-shaped golden shield with a large saphire doing in this "bow"? This is the size of the steel bucklers some archers used in later medieval times, but it was never attached to the bow itself of course, and never used at the same time with the bow. It only disturbs shooting more. The bow is not meant for blocking anything, it will brake.
  5. Fire arrows, too much fire arrows! Why won't regular arrows do? Do they think people die more if they are penetrated with an arrow which is also on fire? Because real fire arrows were constructed differently than normal arrows, they were slower and penetrated less, so they'd be actually less dangerous against other people. Thus they were never used against humans, only (VERY RARELY!) against some objects which had to be set on fire.
  6. This (left) is the side of the bow the arrows should (usually, and in this case) go, not the right side.
  7. What are these blades doing in this monstrosity? Bows are not meant for hitting, but shooting! It won't last long as a mêlée weapon. Also these metal blades make the "bow" weight a ton. In this picture we can see that it more resembles an ancient harp than a bow. Maybe it's for playing music, and not fighting at all? Would make more sense.
  8. Were are her arrows? There is no quiver to be seen or any spare arrows anywhere. That is a bad fighting plan.
  9. Three arrows at once. While it is possible to shoot three arrows at once (I've done it) it's it not good to do so. The aim is terrible and they also have less power than one arrow would have. At least two arrows are also wasted if shooting at the same target. The arrows are also impossible to hold here, that's why I drew this circle.
  10. WHAT, she releases one string at a time!!! And that actually works?!? The makers of this video has no knowledge of archery at all it seems now. The bow arc is the one which flexes and gives the power to the arrows, the string does not stretch! If a bow would have three strings it would do nothing, since it would be (theoretically) possible to shoot the three arrows at the same time, not one after another without flexing the bow again. This is just pure nonsense and a crappy idea from start to finish! Shame on you game maker dudes!
  11. This bow is also about 10 times too thick. It wouldn't bend at all, but it seems like a minor mistake compared to the last one, even though this'd be a major mistake in a piece which would be otherwise decently designed. This is not.
  12. Why is she having this "glove"? Is it supposed to be archers glove? Since this does only cover the area which does not touch anything while shooting, so it's completely useless. Archers glove should cover the first three fingers, not just knuckles! Also the larger bracer is in the right hand, when it would be better on the left, but they are here to bring the "Egyptian" feel anyway, even though Egyptians didn't use these kind of bracers.

Good, hahaha, are you kidding me?!?
Our Isis (not to be confused with the infamous terrorist organization, which boasts with a name of a false god (in their belief system)) does not have a bow here. This is not a bow, this terror is something else, straight from Ammit's rectum.

P.S.
Oh, now I noticed that the arrows don't have fletching at all, but whatever, this disaster couldn't be any worse.